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Name Sachi
Base Mood different
Personal Mood people said i'd feel different at the two year mark, which was sunday, from when my mom passed. it's definitely true, but i'm not familiar with the shape of it yet, exactly. i've started saying softer things like "passed" for one thing, because it no longer feels like the abrupt moment of death is the important moment. i also like... start crying on a walk because i learned something today that would interest her and i can't ever get her input on it. and i didn't like... cry about simple things like that until now. it might be weird to say, but i think i'm far enough away from it now to actually grieve the way i would have wanted to? like, honoring her and thinking about her and lighting candles and talking to her and doing all of that? carrying out her last wishes and stuff. it's like i went into lockdown for two years and now i'm willing to actually be in motion, which i imagine is part of moving on.

and in some ways i always feel like It's Stupid to be taking so long when Everyone's Parents Die it's how it's Supposed To Go, but it's not like i haven't accomplished lots of non-emotional things in the meantime, i just had to backburner all feelings for two years i guess. i'm so grateful to have friends like you who are so patient and let me phase in and out of your lives and i'm so sorry to have missed the first years of your beautiful children's lives because i've been in some kind of bubble where time Does Not Pass and i'm not sure if The World Is Real but it's been two years and her daffodil bulbs in the garden have become my daffodil flowers and i have a job that facilitates me continuing the spiritual journey i used to walk with her and i'm alive and there's still time.
Mood Changed Apr 26, 2017
 
Sex Female
Homepage http://mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com
Interests protecting the free world and kicking general evil-doing ass with the Jolt Central Intelligence

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