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Name Jane Doe
Base Mood determined
Personal Mood So, here we are again.

I had a little crush on my dentist, but it only lasted two months. The crush on my driving instructor lasted definetly longer. I'm quite happy I overcame my dentist quite quickly.

But overcoming that crush also means feeling less excited and happy. It means going back to normal and that means dealing with all the daily problems all the things that have to be done and actually there is a lot to be done like finding a job. That's much more important than dreaming about an unreachable young dentist. My boyfriend of 4 and a half year is also an issue and it's not fair from my side to ignore the fact that he actually exists. So for 10 months I've developed serious crushes on two men. Actually the crush on my drving instructor was more serious so let's only count him and that lasted for about half a year.

I still don't exactly know what happened and why this driving instructor became such a big thing. When I think about it I even feel a little ashamed about it. Because now I'm on a completeley different page.

My contract is ending and I'm forced to find a new job. I'm also kind of relieved that this job will be finally over. Within the last days I made the decision to find a way back to society, which sounds more dramatic than it actually is. But for me it's quite a huge step because it means living according to values that got more and more in the background of my daily routine because I was thinking a lot about death and how seneseless life is and I was busy having crushes.

Now I decided to let death exist but not to think about it anymore because that doesn't actually make sense. That means I will have more capacities to care about actual things in my life like finding a real job. Also I will stop having crushes and focus on the real thing that is obvious, that is sitting on my couch when I come back from work, my boyfriend.

Whily typing that I realize that my decision is actually not reintegrating myself in society. It's accepting reality again. Accepting my impact on reality. Shapeing my life. Not dreaming and fearing anymore. Coming back to the ground. Working on the ground.
Mood Changed Sep 10, 2020
 
Sex Female
Homepage None given
Interests re-discovering where I am from, biographies, huge airports, peace.

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