mum told us she lost a lot of money today, one of her highest paying clients stopped hiring her- resulting in the loss. she said we might not be able to afford food again, and we might become homeless- again. shes trying to get my brother a job, hes disabled physically and mentally so its never worked. nobody will or has hired him. he can barely walk and his autism is severe. i could get a job, ive tried, nobody will hire me either lol. one of my friends applied to multiple fast food chains and none of them hired him- not even maccas somehow. im not working at any fast food places, too many gang incidents have happened there these days. there was a knife fight in the carpark recently.
basically i probs wont be able to afford my psychiatrist anymore, or the dogs, or any luxuries which sucks. i dont mind living on instant noodles again tbh, im just gna smell and look disgusting. im scared mum might start stealing my money again, she used to when i was a kid.
thisll be fun! having to ask my friends if i could borrow some food or spare clothes! might ask for blankets, winters gonna hit hard i think. she might not use the heater to spare money, my dad does that, its unbearable. my feet always go purple from how cold it is lol. i hope we dont become homeless again, going from house to house every week sucks. i feel bad about it too.
exams are next week, im not doing them since im dropping out (im doing a different course, not vce). i think their gna make me do english or something. next monday, my aunt is taking me to some cafe to spend some time with her- honestly looking forward to it. shes pretty chill, her kids are something though. they can barely read and one of them is about to start highschool, its really sad. shes busy working multiple jobs so she doesnt have time to parent them, father died couple years ago. he was a drug addict, had bipolar, she feared for the childrens safety so she divorced him. 2 weeks after he was driving, took drugs, passed out on the wheel, crashed the car and died inside. i didnt know him too well, but he was nice. he was a dj. he wasnt a bad father or anything, kids loved him- he loved them. just unfortunate what had happened.
i had some assessment due in hospitality today, the teachers honestly rude as hell so shes probs gna yell at me for a good 10 mins and give me a detention. im petty so i might just say im retarded and about to go homeless soon LMFAO. just start trauma dumping to make her feel bad. (im joking, ill honestly end up staring at the ground and nod my head when shes done, i couldnt care less, shes just ruuudddeeeee and embarassingggggg). shes made multiple people cry, shes the whole reason why people dont take food related classes cuz shes always teaching. i mean, i like cooking/baking and whatever, but she ruins it. gets up super close in ur face and yells if u did smth wrong, which is fair, but itll be something like not having a container. the recipes are arse, nobody eats this shit anyways, as soon as class ends and we leave, the bin is filled with the food we made. only good thing ever made were the spring rolls. ive been in this class for years, i guess the yum balls were good too ngl. no point in dirtying a container hm? i just give the food to my friends, they eat it, say it tastes nasty, and eat the entire thing LOOOLLL. i dont like wasting food. but im not eating it.
after this i have double english, not sure what ill do for two hours. i cant be bothered doing work, a wars probs gna start soon and ill die. its wild how people havent learnt anything hey! history exists for a reason, to teach us not to repeat what they did. but seems like were going backwards, trumps basically hitler. im shocked that my dad supports trump honestly. youve been alive for 54 years and are this stupid, still? ive lived 16, and im smarter it seems. if he wasnt a man nor white, i think he would see what i see. i know the minute he starts getting affected by this, hes gna be MAD. its insane how he thinks, he tries justifying rape- worries me. "its her fault if shes wearing revealing clothes!!!!" THATS NOT AN EXCUSE TO RAPE HER????? 54 year old man, and hes fucking stupid. 54 years of your life, wasted. whats the point? nobody loves him, cant he see its him whos unlovable? not the women, not the poc, not the children, not the lgbtq+, its him. 54 years, and its all led to this outcome. youre better off killing yourself, i would if i was you. i mean, i love my dad, but i fucking hate him as a person though. hes chronically online jeez. "im gna die alone!!!!! why doesnt anyone love me!!!!!" BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT THEM TO HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE?????/ how could you love someone who doesnt think you have a right to live solely for the way you were born? in his eyes, the disabled dont deserve life, women dont, poc dont, lgbtq+ dont, white men do though! fucking hell. i dont have time to write anymore whoops bye.
tired
