Ugh. Why does everything good have to come down for me? Why can't things just stay good for me?? I hate it I hate it why do I even bother with trying to be a part of a community. I can't even celebrate the headcanon bday for a character I love anymore. I still love him I just, can't with the community anymore. I've been desperately trying to fill the gaping hole with something similar, but it's not the same it won't ever be the same. It's like I'm having to both tear a part of myself out and as well as kill someone I love. God, I thought I was past this. I thought I was past having to vent to the void but here I am back at it again.

I don't want to trouble the love of my life with this because his life is better without him, but I'm having to suffer in complete silence currently. I love my beloved with all of my heart but it's still like I'm having to choose one thing over another again. I know I'm going to choose my beloved no matter what, but, I'm still depressed all the same. I hate it here.

Still, I suppose this might be the last time I say this, but, happy unofficial birthday Romeo. I'm sorry my gift to you is abandonment.