Today was a really, really bad brain day. I’m sure not sleeping last night didn’t help but it’s more than that. The 6 months of unemployment certainly haven’t helped but I think it’s even more than that too. But I don’t know what it is really, and all the ideas I have about what it *might* be feel so unbelievably stupid, and then makes me feel worse.
God I miss ambien. I really fucking hope I sleep tonight. If I don’t I will probably crack and ask Allyson for some.
This has just been such a miserable fucking year. Maybe that’s just catching up with me. Along with early darkness and cold weather.
Doing the smallest simplest things feels so fucking overwhelming right now.
And my kid just started crying. Because why would she ever go to sleep before 10pm. Ryan will deal with it but I feel guilty about that too.
I will finish this glass of wine and try to read something comforting til I can fall asleep and maybe cry a little more.
I don’t know why sending these thoughts out into cyberspace seems to help, sometimes.
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